Recently, I had a little existential crisis. I sent a long email to my closest friends asking them their honest feedback. I was back in Canada and was desiring of a clear direction to fully execute on my life's purpose.
What I offered them was the following 2 paths::
"1) Aude: B2C, building an online audience, needs scale, high reach, small %, I would need to go all in on the sex/love coach aspect and share all of my life"
2) Olivia: B2B, consulting, workshops, building a credible and professional image, which resonates with me and has been beneficial to me in the past, financial-wise."
Am I Aude (how my close friends and family call me in Canada), the wild, sexual, free-spirit, nomadic heart who loves to create courageous content, or am I Olivia (my business, American name), the sharp, brilliant business woman who is focused, grounded, highly ambitious and in love with innovation and philosophy?
Am I a barefoot growing tantrika who loves plants and yoga, or a badass serial entrepreneur and rule re-writer?
The conflict seemed clear: if I want to build a solid business network again and appear credible, I can't have naked pictures of me on the Internet. So I started deleting them, even though I knew they were part of my mission to help people liberate themselves...
Am I Aude, or Olivia? It felt like I couldn't be both, for my professional life at least. I felt I had to go all in as "an internet rising personality", or a focused and credible business woman, in order to gain enough traction to have a strong financial foundation.
My friends' replies really touched me.
Here's the result of the reflection, which I hope can help you reflect on your own duality and how to live with balance, a life that serves your purpose while keeping your heart alive:
"Thank you for your messages this weekend, and I'll be happy to hear from you later or if you wish to discuss similar questions for your own life.
It became clear, and it sounds obvious now, that we all have multiple dimensions, that Aude can't be happy with Olivia (I'm not schizo haha ;)).
That it wouldn't serve me to be an affluent, stiff and conservative businesswoman, or to be an insecure, nomadic, poor / stuck hippie. (I'm dramatizing to make a point.) Falling into one extreme is never sustainable.
If you get financial freedom but your spirit is in prison, what's the point?
If your spirit is free but you can't manifest it in the physical world, what's the point of this human incarnation?
Thank you for for helping me clarify this balance that aligns with my life's goal:
To keep expressing myself freely in close circles without trying to make my revenue out of it now, to let it be inspired and personal, shared with those who know the nuances,
while honoring and embracing my professional potential in the business world I connect with, for all the good it can bring into this world.
So I'll make sales, and draw. I'll have a call, then I'll dance. I'll speak on a panel, and then I'll do magic mushrooms with my friends.
Again, It seems simple now but I tend to enjoy extremes, and I go in "modes". With awareness, it'll be good! :)
That was the initial takeaway of Tantra, the integration of the heaven and hell, it's one whole. Heels aren't as fun if you're never barefoot.
As I'm working on big business projects, I see how I will soon focus on more personal content that is aligned with my heart. For now, I'm building a foundation to support more creative and courageous endeavors later on. Most importantly, I'm working with two teams who embrace and salute the sparkles of my spirit!
So, who are you? Are you a brilliant mind, or a fiery heart? You're both! So how can you align focus and freedom?
If you're going through a similar reflection, feel free to connect with me, and let's embrace our duality! We are One, we will marry all of our parts and find peace on our path!