I enjoy being alone but feeling lonely sucks. Sure, we're "all one", but concretely, making friends require energy, and at times, a lot of courage.
I've been in Playa del Carmen for two weeks. Everywhere I go, I see people I know. I meet friends randomly on the street, and I have events to go to every night.
My soul's signature is Relationships. It's natural for me, but it wasn't always the case. I'd like to share a few tips to help you connect with the people who are eager to meet you:
1. Always Assume the Best
This is the most common misconception: "they probably don't want to talk to me, I'll bother them".
FALSE. Every human being is wired to connect. We are social creatures.
If someone comes to talk to you, it'll make you feel good, seen, important. So why doubt giving that gift to someone?
Strangers are friends you haven't met yet!
Put down your phone (or social shield), get out there and make someone's day by talking to them.
You grow with every conversation, and they do too.
2. Just Say "Hi" & Embrace the Awkwardness
Looking back on my life, two of the most meaningful friendships I've developed started with:
"What are you drawing?" and "I love your hair! Is it natural?"
From this point on, these "strangers" and I traveled, lived, and grew together to levels of intimacy I didn't know were possible...
I can't say how many times I've been in a café or an event and I can read someone's mind and anxiety to connect, I feel how much they want to come to talk to me, but they won't.
It saddens me, and I understand the pain, because I did too suffered from social anxiety, and still today at times. We all do to an extent, please don't romanticize your "condition". Yes, it's all in your head... Broken lines of codes begging to be re-written!
YES, It'll be awkward, weird, stressful, but hey, if that person attracts you somehow, the potential relationship that is on the other side of that awkward 2-min might be YEARS of incredible adventures!
Will you give up on that amazingness just because it's a little uncomfortable for 2 minutes?
Get up. Smile. Say "hi!"
3. Connect with the "Connectors"
I introduce people to each other on a daily basis. I very much enjoy connecting people. In fact, I'd like to get married to bring all my favorite people in a room and watch them connect. I get a real kick out of it.
When I move to a new place, I spend time with connectors, like me. Here, I met a real estate agent who knows everyone. Sometimes, it's an investor or a social activist.
We're portals to other people. We can read people and we know how to match them well.
It's both a favor and a pleasure to introduce you. Ask.
So instead of connecting with dozens of people, this one person will point you to the right people who match your interests and personality.
Maximize your emotional energy.
4. Show Up and Follow Up
Yes, I spend a lot of time on my phone. On a daily basis, I chat with at least 15 people. I video chat with old friends. I help them when I can. They help me a lot too. Just like dating, it requires energy.
Last night, I had an event to go to. On the way there, I almost went home like 3 times. Like: "I'm tired", "I'll go write", blabla. I observed it, it was interesting. I knew no one there.
The ego always finds excuses to avoid risky situations.
What if I feel lonely there? What if I don't understand a word? (It was all in Spanish!)
Fast forward to the event:
"It was so interesting what you said. Hey, I have a women's circle brunch Thursday, want to come? Btw, I'm from Canada too!"
There you go. Then I'll meet 10 new women.
Ask people "how are you?" when you think of them.
There's a saying: "There is no love, there's only proof of love".
Prove your love. Again: give and you shall receive.
Hope that helps and you meet all the "strangers", the stellar souls who are waiting to be your friend!!
Remember: You're super fun to be with. Don't rob the world from the opportunity to meet you.