7 Steps To Free Yourself from Fear

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“For 15 to 30 minutes, it’ll be awful. It’ll feel like you’re dying. You’ll vomit, sweat, your head will be spinning, and more… I don’t want to sugar coat it, it’s hard. But kambo is really powerful to detox your emotional and physical bodies. Anyways, I have to go. You have two hours to decide.”

I hadn’t planned for this at all. My throat tightened, my heartbeat accelerated, my palms moistened, so I replied:

“Okay, I’ll do it.” 

And I did. That same night after the medicine had cleaned my system, I realized that the ghost of a past lover had left my psyche. It was like I awoke from a bad dream that lasted for two years. I had no romantic feelings left for him. I was free from him, from this dramatic script I had been sucked into. 

How thankful am I that in this moment she opened that door, my heart’s courage spoke up and I walked through it! Kambo was a great experience, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

That was two weeks ago in Los Angeles. I would have never done this before this "fear-transumation" path I'll share with you here. I would have judged her for “doing drugs and being a crazy hippie”!

I’ve grown a lot over the past few years and I wish to share the essence of that growth to all who may need it. Truly, we all have fears. The goal is not necessarily to bring you to be cleansed by a frog's poison (which is what kambo is), but for you to overcome the fears that are costing you your very best years. Don’t settle for an average life when the spectacular is begging to bless you. 

Yes, to my parent’s dismay, I have a passion for diving into what I fear most. I have found that every time I do, I grow so much from it. Of course, the chosen experience, or the fear to be transformed, has to be objectively positive, ethical and empowering. I won’t jump off the bridge because I’m afraid to, that’d be silly. But I will do what my ego fears to show it that yes, I can do it all and that this mind-chatter is constrictive and damaging to my true potential, just like it is to yours. 

So, why does exploring fear matter so much?

There are two main emotional drivers: fear, and Love. Fear is the absence of love, the darkness left by the absence of Light, the holes left from the missing pieces of our soul that were deemed unacceptable and unsafe through different traumas and societal conditioning. 

So philosophically speaking, you could say that there’s only Love, and the absence thereof. Perhaps this view will evolve, but as of now, it is the one that fits the dynamics I have observed and the wisdom I have absorbed. 

Fear is the response we obtain when calling in parts of ourselves that were originally present, or accepted, once our soul was integral, but that have now been rejected. So now they’re missing and that pull in painful. It’s like wanting to dance but with your legs paralyzed. (Thanks to my friend Alex for helping me visualize this). 

We really want what is being presented or asked of us because if it comes into our field, we are meant to experience it, but out of a feeling of needing to protect oneself because of past traumas, the ego sends signals of fear to prevent any further “damage”, judging this element as “dangerous”. 

The ego’s voice is "well-intentioned", yet it is simply not serving us (in most cases, but sometimes, fear is a very, very useful survival mechanism, like that mama bear probably doesn't feel like cuddling you, so yes Forest, run!). 

We can not fight fear, we can only transmute it with love, just like Light is what annihilates darkness. Fighting it worsens it since we fight “from fear". Just like it is so ironic to “fight for peace”. Instead, let us unite for peace! 

The ego knows how to fear and divide, our soul knows how to love and unite. 

Over the course of my life and through my coaching practice, I’ve used atypical yet very efficient methods to do just that: transforming fears into sources of self-love, self-awareness and extraordinary growth. If you were to take one piece of my existence to improve your own, please, let it be this one. First of all, here’s my current understanding of fear:

Behind your fear hides a burning desire

The more fear you feel, the more you want to do or have the object of that fear. Simply said, the more afraid you are, the more you want it! If you didn’t care that much, then it wouldn’t bother you. Of course, I’m talking about mind-based fears, not definite ones like suffering, being betrayed, being hurt, sick, etc. 

(Although I do believe that even the fear of death hides a sub-conscious desire to return to Spirit, to the Infinite, to Oneness. So even the greatest fear hides a strong desire to return to our essence and to be liberated from our dense flesh vessel, but that’s for a whole other post). 

Relevant Mind Mechanics regarding Fear

Whereas we can’t go back in time to re-shape past events, we can absolutely re-frame our perspective towards them. 

Visualize your mind as an operating software with different applications, i.e. values and belief systems.

Deceptions and traumas have scarred your psyche, like bugs and spam into your original operating software. 

In order to protect yourself, your ego sends fear signals whenever similar elements are presented to you. 

Yet, if you expose yourself to these elements in a controlled way, it can realign your perspective and infuse love (Light) into the fear (darkness). Then, this trauma, or bugged line of code, will be fixed as you take these 7 steps I'm sharing with you. 

With time, continuous awareness of the pattern and conscious self-loving practices, what was once scary will now feel exciting, or at the very least it won't cause continuous anxiety and limit your freedom and truest potential. 

Now, this all sounds good, but the real gold is always in the “How?”, so we’ll get to that very soon. 

For now, let me share with you how I personally did it, over and over, to a point where I get excited to identify a new fear because I know how gratifying and empowering the transmutation process is. You can use these approaches to transform these fears that might be present in your system too:

Fear of flying

This is how it all started, and I have to credit my ex-boyfriend Jesse for opening the door to the power of facing fears straight in the eyes. I had told him "I'm too afraid to fly", I’d get so nervous even just thinking about it.

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His response? He booked us to go skydiving! Yes, the first time I got on a plane, I jumped out of it! I thought I was about to die, it was the most excruciating type of fear.

After the first seconds of “falling”, I felt so free, so powerful. I overcame death! Talk about an exciting new neuropathway. The first thing I said when I got on the ground was: “Again! Again!”.

And just like that, within minutes, I was free of this irrational fear, which then allowed me to travel the world. Considering how much I've flown since then, it definitely changed my life. 

Fear of being seen naked

For years, I asked all lights to be off in order to undress in front of my boyfriends. I was extremely self-conscious and I (secretly) hated my body. I was very shy of my (amazing) body, and to me, sex was a sin, a distraction.

What was the solution? Yes, being naked! I attended nudist hot springs, resorts and events. At first, I felt extremely uncomfortable, but safe exposure proved to be the most effective way to totally re-wire my association to nudity to one that was natural, comfortable, and nourishing even. 

I gently “forced” myself into self-acceptance: these environments leave you no room for you to hide. Can you start with sleeping naked? Can you sit naked in front of your partner and simply observe each other, sitting through the discomfort until you find peace and acceptance?

Face yourself until nothing is left but truth and gratitude. It won’t happen in a day, it’s an ongoing process of meeting yourself with kindness. What's clear is that hiding from yourself can only fuel your fear, amplify it over time and cost you lots of happiness.

Fear of public speaking

I had a very strong phobia of talking in public, and I accepted lower grades by avoiding presentations in school. I even did hypnotherapy for it. None of that worked.

So, I joined my University’s Public Debate team, I ended up being President of the team, and we won all competitions we took part of. I won more than 10 pitch competitions with my previous startup, and I’ve even coached people on how to win a pitch.

My fear of public speaking was tied to this strong desire to express myself, meeting a trauma that was formed around the age of 5 years old when I received my first report card: A’s everywhere, but for oral presentation, a big ugly C. From this point on, a broken line of mental code had been written: “I am not good at speaking in public.” I let this damaging belief poison my existence and potential for more than 15 years.

Public speaking still makes me nervous, but now I know that this energy is positive and essential in order to perform, because deep down, I really love it! 

Fear of losing control

I used to be a puritan, and by that I mean judging people who even drank alcohol, critiquing all forms of drug consumption, putting them all in the same category. Now, I know there are so many nuances!

Once again, to overcome the fear of losing control, (which is a derivative of the opression of the masculine), I had to lose control.

To do so, I started exploring the world of plant medicine, taking me on rides to inner worlds I had never seen, within which I could only surrender to Spirit. 

I also explored being dominated in a sexual setting (BDSM), which for me was quite challenging at first. Within a consensual and respectful setting, it proved to be healing, and quite liberating.

Always seeking control stems from fear, it is exhausting and not sustainable. Ironically, we truly gain control of our mind once we’re strong enough to go of control. 

Fear of intimacy

Sex can often look like intimacy, but in fact be a distraction from it. To transform this fear, I practiced Orgasmic Meditation (your partner gently massaging your clitoris for fifteen minutes), eye-gazing for long minutes, belly breathing, practicing (very) open communication, and other deep ways of interacting that allowed my partners to see into me, through my fears of not being worthy of their love, once they’d see my Truth.

In fact, the opposite occurred. It’s when we allow our darkest zones to be seen that we fully start to shine. Once again, the same dynamic applied here to transform the fear of intimacy: practicing deep intimacy in order to eradicate the fear of it. 

Fear of blood

I had fainted at the sight of my own blood, it was always an issue. Why would that be?! It’s the precious liquid that keeps us alive. I had heard about the power of moon blood (yes, period blood).

Recently during my moon, I watched the beautiful crimson red liquid flow out of me, I sat there until I could celebrate the magic of being a woman, in this precious time of connection to Spirit. 

As suggested by people I highly respect, I could even taste it, as it is rich in ormus. And because I was scared and repulsed by it, I did it, a micro drop on the tip of my tongue. (Can't believe I'm sharing this!)

Boom, the spell was broken. And recently while cooking with a friend in Mexico, I cut myself and the sight of the blood didn’t set any alarms in my nervous system. Once again, my approach had proven to be efficient! 

Fear of death

By now, you must have guessed that to overcome the fear of death, I would explore… dying! Of course, I am thankful for this life and I realize that my soul has some lessons to integrate before it returns to the “Infinite”.

Once again, experiences with plant medicine got me as close as I know how to experience “death of self”, “ego death”, dissolving the grip of my physical envelope from the 3rd dimension, or what we know as “reality”.

It also opened my eyes, or my third eye, to the idea that we really misunderstand death. It got me curious about how the Mayans see death: ascension, the return, instead of the end of it all. As of now, I think of death as a smooth, loving, and liberating transition out of the rather challenging (yet wonderful) experience of being in a physical body. 

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So now you see it: If you were afraid to be alone, what would be the solution? Always being with people? Nope. You'd be alone until you love it. 

Yes, my dear, it takes balls, or big ovaries, and real courage to transform fears, but the reward is so highly worth it. Whether you embark on this journey or not mostly relies on this question: 

How much pain are you willing to accept until you shout: “Enough, I’m done playing small, I’m done numbing myself and ignoring the obvious. It’s time to breakthrough.”

It’s common to hear that “change is scary”, that we all avoid change. Well, that's foolish, we're constantly changing! We do so either in a downward or upward motion (I call them spirals, key principle in my coaching).

You won’t be the same person tomorrow, you’ll be worse or better. But don’t fool yourself thinking you can remain the same when billions of chemical, neurological and physiological reactions are happening within yourself at every minute. 

So tell me, which way do you choose?

Upward? Great, keep reading. Let’s deepen our understanding of the process of fear transmutation, or courageous intervention to break downward spirals led by fear, instead of Love. If you take this path, I promise you you'll feel stronger, happier, and more free: 

1. assess the costs of your fears

If you skillfully avoid feeling pain through sensorial entertainment (drugs, medication, sex, status, shopping, food, etc.), then you might not even be aware of what your soul is screaming for and the negative impact it has in your life.

So first, you need the courage to do some introspective work and assess how you truly feel. That will allow you to accept that yes, there is fear, and to admit it is a beautiful feat. Vulnerability is emotional strength!

You can survey your emotional body in the morning, asking yourself some questions, holding your naked body, breathing deeply, before you get sucked into your phone and your daily motions. Meditation is a great way to make room for your mind to be heard as well. 

2. Catch the feeling and observe it

You meet someone you like, yet you tremble, you’re nervous, avoidant, silent, you think about it when you go to bed: you’re afraid. Observe it as it alerts your system. How do you feel? Why? What happened to you before so that you feel such? Become the observer, not the victim of your reactions. That principle is key to mindfulness. 

3. Identify the desire behind

Again, the more afraid we are, the bigger the pull is for this piece of us that is hurt, broken or missing. The more afraid you are to talk to this woman, the more you want to connect with her and the best it will feel when you do. As above, so below: meaning the deeper you are into that fear, the happier you will feel once you emerge victorious from this downward emotional spiral.

Or what I’ve seen is that people who consider themselves introverts or antisocial are people who are actually very empathetic, compassionate, and who probably care too much about what others think, and/or who don’t want to bother them, fearing that their presence could be a nuisance.

Deeply, we all long to connect. We are wired to be social beings, to cooperate and complement each other’s skills in order to survive and procreate - that’s just a fact. Any divisive behavior is a reflection of fear and it is not a core truth.

Identify your deepest desire under your ego’s tricky script, unveil the desire and hear where it wants to take you. 

4. Change your script

We often define ourselves with our limitations, and these become excuses for living a limited life. “Well, I can’t do this because I have social anxiety”, “I don’t travel much because I’m afraid of flying.” They give a certain meaning and sense of comfort to our misaligned life decisions.

Think of the desire you uncovered and start getting excited about the possibilities it will bring into your life once you’re healed from this fear. Most importantly, re-write your script: “I love interacting with people and people love me for who I am”. By saying it, you can start feeling it, and by feeling it, you'll start manifesting a better life for yourself. 

Drop the negative self-talk and write better lines of code for your mind. 

5. Do what scares you

Now that your mind is massaged into this optimized reality through a new definition of self and a growing excitement for the love that will light up the darkest parts of you, it’s time to get into action.

I can’t sugar coat it or give you an easy way to do it: it’ll be scary as sh*t and it’ll probably hurt. It’s a true surgical operation of the mind. You're transforming building blocks of who you believed you were, it’s big and powerful.

As scary as it might feel, the reward is so, so much bigger my dear. The good news is that the pain will quickly subside through the power of your courage.

Trust me: every fear can be transformed and become a celebration of your full powers. It’s simple: just do what scares you. Doing so will fulfill your desire and set you free!

The more afraid you are, the better you'll feel once you do it!

You can go progressively, based on how eager you are to overcome your fear and how mentally equipped you are to deal with stress.

Know that pain will be felt and that it is all information, but not all of it is valid. You must discern between the signals from the ego, and the ones from your Heart. Be thankful for the resistance, the way it seeks to protect you, but be firm with your ego: “This fear is not serving me, I choose Love now, I act with courage.”

Whereas the previous action or event caused trauma, now you have the opportunity to experience this element in a controlled, self-loving, safe way. You can engineer this event and set yourself up for success.

For example, if you’re afraid of being laughed at while doing public speaking, then speak in front of a super friendly crowd who will support you (your loved ones, friends, maybe just one person at first, or even in front of your mirror).

As long as you dip your toes and starts swimming into your deep well of desires, you’ll find the ocean of you in time. What is truly poisonous here is to never speak in public: that's a death sentence to your potential.

The goal here is not to necessarily become a public speaker, but at the very least to not be consumed by this fear, so that if you had to speak in public, you’d know that the ensuing nervosity is simply an influx of energy for you to perform and an expression of your desire to perform well.

I'm cheering for you!!! I'm so excited for you to face your fears, and transform them with LOVE! 

6. Positively reward yourself: Once you’ve exposed yourself to your fear (great job!) and that you've initiated the re-writing of your script in order to align with your highest self's calling, you’ve officially started the transformation of your fear.

Now, be kind to yourself and indulge in what feels GOOD! Go ahead, pamper yourself, eat chocolate, have sex, go dance, have fun! Get the endorphins flowing.

This will reinforce the positive association between this element and your mind’s response. You did it, be proud of yourself and know that every little step matters, exponentially so: you're breaking the downward spiral and going up! It'll only get easier from here. The first dip is the hardest. 

7. Practice and go deeper: It’s wonderful that you’ve had the courage to embark on this journey. Now that you’re in it, what challenging element can you add to further illuminate the darkness of this fear? How can you challenge yourself? How much love can you bring to all parts of you? Can you speak in front of a larger audience? Can you spend time alone, and off of technology for an entire day? Can you express your emotions to someone you really, really like? 

Yes, yes you can, beautiful being.  You can do it all!

To summarize, here’s one powerful path to transform your fear into Love for yourself:

  1. Assess the costs of your fears
  2. Catch the feeling and observe it
  3. Identify the desire behind
  4. Change your script
  5. Do what scares you
  6. Positively reward yourself
  7. Practice and go deeper

This process is challenging yet extremely healing. It can liberate you and bring tremendous amounts of happiness into your life. You have all it takes to successfully complete this journey.

If you need support and love along the way, please get in touch. It will be a true honor to help you emerge in Love with all that you are, free from fear, like I do it every day. 

Aude xo