(This is an actual email I sent to a man in my life).
I alluded to the future, you felt pressure, plans fell through, nothing new.
You said "there is beauty in surrendering", to which I concurred and replied:
Yes, I want to surrender, within a safe container.
That is the balance of the feminine and of the masculine.
The dancer is a flame on a firm floor. The child plays wild in a warm house.
You talked about the ephemeral rush of the race, the unknown... Yes but the path is traced, you know where you're starting from, and for how long you'll run until you hear the finish line cheering for your mind and for the ribbon to break open on your ribs.
That is what too many men fail to create: safety.
So what does it mean, to make her feel safe?
It means to welcome her emotions and stand tall throughout the storm, to admire the expression of spirit moving through her.
It means to hold space when she suffocates, to build new walls when the room is too small, or to simply break them down and be blown away by the Force that She is. It's something that money can't buy, because to pay attention to her is more valuable than any bill you'll sign.
It means to gently remind her that you're here, even when you're not. Here's a magic way to do it:
Send her a simple "good morning", "how was your day", and "good night" texts. This sequence creates a comforting narrative, or that "safe container" that'll her relax, meaning that:
"I think about you upon rising, I care about your day, and you're in my thoughts as my spirit drifts to dream."
I can't recommend that enough, it'll be the best investment of your time. It's enough to make her feel safe, without killing all the mystery and sense of adventure in this dating safari (for the ones who like hunting)...
From a psychological perspective, agreeing we ultimately have sex to reproduce ourselves, then this basic emotional support is a good signal that a man will be a good father and that he won't ghost the scene if or when he plants his seed.
I'm not talking about an oversized diamond ring, I'm talking two minutes a day to make her feel safe so that sex doesn't feel like a fire in a room of explosives but more so like a flower in a field on the first day of spring, safe to bloom in your hands, safe to follow the flow of the ongoing orgasmic nature of the cosmic forces that make us move and come together.
Make it safe for me to ignite my fire, for us to feel so much pleasure so that pain sits in the back as a punctual teacher.
Be in a state of loving awareness and focused energy, be conscious of her simple experience, the beauty of presence beyond form, without the need to say or do anything. That is one of the most powerful ways for men to embrace their inner feminine and to learn the art of "being", beyond "doing". After all, we are "human beings", not human "doings"...
When a man holds space for a woman, he becomes the floor and the symphony for her divine feminine dance to be. He becomes the canvas for all of her beauty.
What unfolds then is nothing but magic, and for all that a woman can be and give, I wish for these words to soon be both obvious and obsolete.
The only reason I can see why men don't always hold this space is that some might not be ready to experience the beauty that'll shine through, they'd get blinded by the light...
For the man who is awakening and who is ready to witness and receive a woman's wonders, her joyfulness, devotion and sensuality, I invite you to make her feel safe by holding space and by signaling your support, presence, and respect, with gentle gestures, such as a "good night" text.
It is that simple. Of course, there's much more than the digital for her to feel safe, but that's the best seed to start with. If you're ready to go deeper, that's why I'm here.
Here, take it, it's the key to the castle: be present, safe and gentle.